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Could Grief Cause ADD
Author : Dale Curd, Guy Talk Category : Health and Wellness
Q. My son and I have lived on our own for the last 6 years since my wife died. His school is telling me that my son is ADD, and needs to be medicated. Could grief about his mother’s death be causing his ADD?
TK – Richmond Hill
A.
First off, it’s important for you to fully understand what a diagnosis of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) really means. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to seek an outside opinion to his school from your family doctor, and from a Child Behavioural Specialist your family doctor can refer you to. Also do your own homework and research ADD on the web where amazing resources and communities of parents exist to share their experiences of raising children with ADD. The more information you gather the more choices you have to determine what is right for your son.
It is possible that grief could create symptoms in a child similar to ADD? I believe the answer is yes. Grieving is a natural human process where we mourn our love and attachment for someone or something. When we mourn completely we arrive at a place of accepting our loss and begin to open our hearts to create new attachments. In my office I see men who have drifted into a state of melancholy, or lack of attachment and focus, because they have gotten hung up somewhere in the process of grieving a loss. Grieving fully means that I need to express feelings of anger and sadness and go through periods of denial and bargaining before I can arrive at accepting the loss.
After the separation, my son would watch me to see what I was doing and saying for clues as to how I was processing the loss of our family unit. I was careful to make sure he witnessed me being responsibly angry, sad and afraid. My message was that I would express my feelings and return to being calm and present for his needs. Be honest with yourself. Have you fully grieved your loss? If the answer is no, then look at which feelings you are holding back and see if these are similar to any your son my have difficulty expressing. Remember as his father, you are your son’s primary model of what is acceptable and desirable behaviour as a man.
Dale Curd is a counselor and a leading authority on men. He helps clients individually, in groups, and on GuyTalk, Sunday evenings at 9 p.m. (EST) on CFRB. Email Dale your questions at dale@dalecurd.com. www.dalecurd.com - dalecguyexpert@twitter.com
